I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
