i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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