We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
