Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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