So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
