oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
