your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
