someone threw a dead crab at me
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
