I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
