i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
my poor anus
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
