It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize