I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
