Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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