Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
