capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
