and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i think my cat just said my name.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
