Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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