At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
