He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
