how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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