Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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