READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
