im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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