me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize