I smell stomach acid.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
