so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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