Don't make out with my wife yet
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize