and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
