I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
