I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
