Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
