Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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