Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
