WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
