They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am midnight drunk by noon
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
