Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
