It's Friday. Sex?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize