I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
