I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
