How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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