But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
