2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
