Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
