He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
