And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He? As in you personified your dick?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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