so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
