She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
