I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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