I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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