I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
