i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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