so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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