I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im holly from the hills drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
