dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
