Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Everything about him screamed your future.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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