my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
