U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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