If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
