it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
