I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
