Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
