i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
