Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
