i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
