Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
