Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
