You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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