But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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