my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
me + whiskey = a bad person
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
