i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
